Sunday, December 16, 2007

George Carlins solution

sounds good to simple, yet could be very effective......
George Carlins solution

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline 
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use.....  
 The  best way to stop using so much   gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! 
That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come    down.....  

Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border,   hand him a canteen,  rifle 
and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . 
Tell   him if he wants to come to America then he must  serve a tour in the military.....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on   it..... 

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen  since he defended this   country...... 

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot......

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for   the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves......
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway,   without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....

Problem solved..... 

If you think this is a good solution to both the  problems, forward it to your friends. ........... 

Friday, November 23, 2007

Top Ten Comebacks for Well-Meaning but Obnoxious Relatives

We're all cringing about the combination of food and older relatives who feel somehow invested in your size (be it a size 4 or a size 24) while you're just trying to get your groove going with the giblet gravy. Here's a top ten list of responses in case someone dares to prod you about your weight.

  1. Oooh, do you really think you need another biscuit? "I don't need it. I WANT it."
  2. Do you know how many calories that has? "Yes, and I'm looking forward to every one of them."
  3. I'm having a fat day. "Me too, isn't it awesome?"
  4. You have such a pretty face. "You should see my pretty ass!"
  5. You're too fat! "For what?"
  6. You look like you've lost weight. "I've actually gained 150 pounds, but I wear it really well."
  7. You've gained weight since (whenever)? "Yes! Jealous?"
  8. When are you going to lose some weight? "Why do you need to know?"
  9. Response to someone talking about you behind your back: "I'm sorry, you might want to keep it down. I wouldn't want anyone else to hear what an asshole you are!"
  10. And the all-purpose response for every rude question ever: "I beg your pardon?" (If they are dense and repeat the question, repeat yours. If they simply say it louder, ignore them for they will die clueless and unhappy and you will go on being awesome.)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Right on brother

Sent to me by the most unlikely of people, but how true it is....

                     Proud To Be White

                     Someone finally said it.
                     How many are actually paying
                     attention to this?
                    There are African Americans,
                     Mexican Americans,
                     Asian Americans,
                     Arab Americans,
                     Native Americans, etc.
                     ...And then there are just -
                     You pass me on the street
                     and sneer in my direction.
                     You Call me 'White boy,'
                     'Cracker,' 'Honkey,'
                     'Whitey,' 'Caveman,'
                     ... And that's OK.
                     But when I call you Nigger,
                     Kike, Towel head,
                     Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey,
                     Beaner, Gook, or Chink
                     ... You call me a racist.
                     You say that whites commit a lot
                     of violence against you,
                     so why are the ghettos the most
                     dangerous places to live?
                     You have the United Negro College Fund.
                     You have Martin Luther King Day.
                     You have Black History Month.
                     You have Cesar Chavez Day.
                      You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
                      You Have Yom Hashoah.
                      You have the NAACP.
                     And you have BET.
                     If we had WET
                     (White Entertainment Television)
                     ... We'd be racists.
                     If we had a White Pride Day
                     ... You would call us racists.
                     If we had White History Month
                     ... We'd be racists.
                     If we had any organization for only whites
                     to 'advance' OUR lives .
                     ... We'd be racists.
                     We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce,
                     a Black Chamber of Commerce,
                     and then we just have the plain
                     Chamber of Commerce.
                     Wonder who pays for that?
                     If we had a college fund that only gave
                     white students scholarships
                     ... You know we'd be racists.
                     There are over 60 openly-proclaimed
                     Black-only Colleges in the US ,
                      yet if there were 'White-only Colleges'
                     ... THAT would be a racist college.
                     In the Million Man March,
                     you believed that you were
                     marching for your race and rights.
                     If we marched for our race and rights,
                     ... You would call us racists.
                     You are proud to be black,
                     brown, yellow and orange,
                     and you're not afraid to announce it.

                     But when we announce our white pride

                     ... You call us racists.
                     You rob us,
                     carjack us,
                     and shoot at us.
                     But, when a white police officer
                     shoots a black gang member
                     or beats up a black drug-dealer
                     who is running from the LAW and
                     posing a threat to ALL of society
                     ... You call him a racist.
                     I am proud.
                     ... But, you call me a racist.
                     Why is it that only whites can be racists?
                     There is nothing improper about this e-mail.
                     Let's see which of you
                     are proud enough to send it on.
Copy this post and send it on if you are proud enough....

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Jay Leno Makes a Point..Imagine That!

Please READ…This makes a lot of GOOD common sense (which most people do not have).

Very interesting perspective by Jay Leno ...

I hope you will all read to the end. Jay Leno puts it into perspective and makes us think about the pathetic negativity. That's right, Jay Leno !

Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....

"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs , a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Jay Leno

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

joke of the day

Mexican Joke

Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a
motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask
him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the truck as he is
carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit
in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the
back of the truck so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding. The
good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies
jokingly-- "Mexican eggs".

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a
look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He
gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as
possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so
many officers.

"I've got a truck with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched
and the bastards have managed to steal a motorcycle already.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

COWS - Lesson In Political Science

Lesson In Political Science  

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blon d, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English  Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

Monday, September 03, 2007

A Pastor with Wisdom and Guts

This is a Prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people. When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, But this is what they heard:

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness  and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. 

We have exploited the poor and called it the 'lottery'.
We have rewarded laziness and called it 'welfare'.
We have killed our unborn and called it 'choice'.
We have shot abortionists and called it 'justifiable'.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it
'building self esteem'.
We have abused power and called it 'politics'.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it 'freedom of expression'.
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it 'enlightenment'.
Search us oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

The response was immediate.
A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in
In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively. The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,' and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.  With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and whole heartedly become our desire
so that we again can be called 'One Nation Under God.'
I f possible , please pass this prayer on to your friends. 'If you don't stand for something, you will fall for everything.'

You know it's hot when.....

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.

The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."

Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.

Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.

A scalding hot shower still cools you down.

You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.

People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.

A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.

The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves.

You need a spatula to remove your clothing.

You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.

You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell.

You burn your hand opening the car door.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

You are sitting inside reading these jokes.

Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Sad Truth On Taxes

Subj: The Sad Truth On Taxes

 Tax truth
At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful
truth of it. 
Be sure to read all the way to the end! 
Tax his land, 
Tax his bed, 
Tax the table 
At which he's fed. 
Tax his tractor, 
Tax his mule, 
Teach him taxes 
Are the rule. 
Tax his cow, 
Tax his goat, 
Tax his pants, 
Tax his coat. 
Tax his ties, 
Tax his shirt, 
Tax his work, 
Tax his dirt. 
Tax his tobacco, 
Tax his drink, 
Tax him if he 
Tries to think. 
Tax his cigars, 
Tax his beers, 
If he cries, then
 Tax his tears. 
Tax his car, 
Tax his gas, 
Find other ways 
To tax his ass 
Tax all he has 
Then let him know 
That you won't be done 
Till he has no dough. 
When he screams and hollers, 
Then tax him some more, 
Tax him till 
He's good and sore. 
Then tax his coffin , 
Tax his grave, 
Tax the sod in 
Which he's laid. 
Put these words 
upon his tomb, 
" Taxes drove me to my doom..." 
When he's gone, 
Do not relax, 
Its time to apply 
The inheritance tax. 
Accounts Receivable Tax 
Building Permit Tax 
CDL license Tax 
Cigarette Tax 
Corporate Income Tax 
Dog License Tax 
Excise Taxes 
Federal Income Tax 
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) 
Fishing License Tax 
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax 
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon) 
Gross Receipts Tax 
Hunting License Tax 
Inheritance Tax 
Inventory Tax 
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) 
Liquor Tax 
Luxury Taxes 
Marriage License Tax 
Medicare Tax 
Personal Property Tax 
Property Tax 
Real Estate Tax 
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax 
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax 
Recreational Vehicle Tax 
School Tax 
State Income Tax 
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) 
Telephone Federal Excise Tax 
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax 
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes 
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax 
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax 
Telephone State and Local Tax 
Telephone Usage Charge Tax 
Utility Taxes 
Vehicle License Registration Tax 
Vehicle Sales Tax 
Watercraft Registration Tax 
Well Permit Tax 
Workers Compensation Tax 
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What the hell happened?  Can you spell "politicians!" 
And I still have to "press 1" for English. 
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times


Saturday, July 28, 2007

Simple Home Remedies

Pearls of wisdom...something to bring a smile to your face...

1.  If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.  Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2.  Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3.  You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4.  For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.  Remember to use an egg timer.

5.  A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6.  If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.  Then, you will be afraid to cough.

7.  Have a bad toothache?  Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8.  Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

  • In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
  • If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
  • If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9.  Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10.  Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thought for the day:


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Welfare Poem

        Welfare Poem

                     I cross ocean, poor and broke,
                    Take bus, see employment folk.

                      Nice man treat me good in there,
                      Say I need to see welfare.

                     Welfare say, "You come no more,
                     We send cash right to your door."

                     Welfare checks, they make you
                     Medicaid it keep you healthy!

                     By and by, I got plenty money,
                      Thanks to you, American dummy.

                      Write to friends in motherland,
                      Tell them 'come fast as you can.

                      They come in turbans and Ford
                      I buy big house with welfare bucks.

                     They come here, we live together,
                     More welfare checks, it gets better!

                      Fourteen families, they moving in,
                      But neighbor's patience wearing

                       Finally, white guy moves away,
                       Now I buy his house, and then I

                      "Find more aliens for house to
                      And in the yard I put a tent.

                      Send for family they just trash,
                       But they, too, draw the welfare

                     Everything is very good,
                     And soon we own the neighborhood.

                      We have hobby it's called breeding,
                      Welfare pay for baby feeding.

                      Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
                       We get free! We got no bills!

                      American crazy! He pay all year,
                      To keep welfare running here.

                     We think America darn good place!
                     Too darn good for the white man race.

                      If they no like us, they  can scram.

                     Got lots of room in Pakistan.
 It is interesting that the federal government
 provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,
 890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in
 social assistance for a total of $2,470.00.

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1, 012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off and maybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1, 012.00 and the pensioners  to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit to the Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Please forward to every American to expose what our elected politicians have been doing over the past 11 years - to
the over-taxed American.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

My sentiments exactly

Subj: my sentiments exactly

This woman   should run for president.
Written by a housewife from
New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one ticked off lady.

"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001?

Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown
Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?

Did nearly
three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...
Well, I don't. I don't care at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia

I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this:
I don't care .

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured:
I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:
I don't care

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:
I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and-you guessed it-
I don't care !!

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!

If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add:

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." -- Ronald Reagan

I have another quote that I would like to add AND.......I hope you forward all this.

"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Also by.. Ronald Reagan

One last thought for the day:

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember
England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said: "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out."

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G. I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

They Walk Among Us

So scary.


I was at the checkout of a Kmart.  The clerk rang up $46.64 charge.  I gave her a fifty dollar bill.  She gave me back $46.64.  I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again.  I gave her the money back again...  same scenario!  I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

------- I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon For a sandwich.  I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little Chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one-get-one-free', she said, 'so I guess they're both free' She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.

-------- One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one Of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the Sky and said, 'Where?'
They Walk Among Us!

------ While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.  She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with that stuff.'

They Walk Among Us!!

------ I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.  One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.  I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pac ific.'

They Walk Among Us!

------ My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a Seat belt if she gets trapped.  She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

-------- My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.  Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.  The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

----- I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went To the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags Never showed up.  She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a Trained professional and I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us!

----- While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.  He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.  He t h ought about it for some time before responding.  'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.' Yep, They Walk Among Us!

---------- They Walk Among Us, AND they Reproduce, and Worst of All They VOTE 


Friday, June 08, 2007

My Care Meter

Just checking my care factor for the week. Nope...

still don't give a fuck

Thursday, June 07, 2007

True friendship-none of that sissy crap!!

True Friendship" (With none of that Sissy Crap!!!!)
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true
friendship.You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just
the stone cold truth of our friendship.
1 When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well
again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask ?,
"Because you are my friend". Friendship is like peeing your pants:
everyone  can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth. 
Remember....when life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over !!!!!


Your mileage may vary.....

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer per year.

That means, on average, Americans get 41 miles per gallon.  Isn't that great!!

Dog & Cat diaries

This is for everyone that has pets.

Dog & Cat Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

    8:00am: Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30am: A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40am: Walked in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00pm: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    7:00pm: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00pm: Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

    11:00pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

    Day 683 of my captivity:

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had
    hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
    what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about
    what a "good little hunter" I am.

    The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I
    was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I
    could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was
    due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and
how to use
    it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow --
    but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog
    receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated   cell, so he is safe....... for now...


Fwd: Children!

 To those of us who have children in our lives,
 whether they are our own,  grandchildren,
 nieces, nephews, or students...
 here is something to make you chuckle.

 Whenever your children are out of control,
 you can take comfort from the thought that
 even God's omnipotence did not extend
 to His own children.

 After creating heaven and earth,
 God created Adam and Eve.

 And the first thing he said was
 "DON'T! "
 "Don't what ? "  Adam replied.
 "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

 "Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ?
 Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "
" No Way! "
 "Yes way! "
 "Do NOT eat the fruit ! " said God.
 "Why ? "
 "Because I am your Father and I said so ! "  God replied,
 wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? " God asked.
 "Uh huh," Adam replied.
 "Then why did you ? " said the Father.
 "I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it ! " Adam said.
"Did not ! "
"Did too ! "
"DID NOT ! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give
children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?

1. You spend the first two years of their life
 teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
 the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
 is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


 Be nice to your kids.
 They will choose your nursing home one day.




Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Orange County Newspaper

>> Orange County Newspaper
>> >
>> > This is a very good letter to the editor. This woman made some good
>> > points. For some reason, people have difficulty structuring their
>> > arguments when arguing against supporting the currently proposed
>> > immigration revisions. This lady made the argument pretty simple.
>> >
>> > NOT printed in the Orange County Paper...................
>> > Newspapers simply won't publish letters to the editor which they
>> > either deem politically incorrect (read below) or which does not
> agree
>> > with the philosophy they're pushing on the public. This woman wrote
> a
>> > great letter to the editor that should have been published; but,
> with
>> > your help it will get published via cyber space!
>> > New Immigrants
>> > From: "David LaBonte"
>> > My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC
>> > Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to "print"
>> > it myself by sending it out on the Internet.
>> > Pass it along if you feel so inclined.
>> > Dave LaBonte (signed)
>> >
>> > Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the
>> > Orange
>> > County Register:
>> >
>> > Dear Editor:
>> > So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land
> is
>> > made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear
>> > down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't
>> > being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and
>> > other ports of entry.
>> > Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people
> like
>> > Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new
> kind
>> > of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all
>> > areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off
> a
>> > ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some
>> > would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground.
> They
>> > made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in
> good
>> > and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their
> new
>> > American households and some even changed their names to blend in
> with
>> > their new home.
>> > They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children
> a
>> > new life and did everything in their power to help their children
>> > assimilate into one culture.
>> > Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor
> laws
>> > to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they
>> > had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of
>> > their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father
>> > fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from
>> > Germany , Italy , France and Japan . None of these 1st generation
>> > Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had
>> > come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the
>> > Emperor of Japan . They were defending the United States of America
> as
>> > one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were
>> > looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish
>> > American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried
> one
>> > flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons
>> > would have thought about picking up another country's flag and
> waving
>> > it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to
> their
>> > parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants
> truly
>> > knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot
>> > into one red, white and blue bowl.
>> > And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the
>> > same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing
>> > with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement
> card
>> > and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm
> sorry,
>> > that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the
>> > immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve
>> > better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in
> raising
>> > future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for
> those
>> > legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled
>> > that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign
> country
>> > flags.
>> > And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty , it
>> > happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the
>> > immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the
>> > United States just yet.
>> > (signed) Rosemary LaBonte
>> >
>> > P. S. Pass this on to everyone you know!!!
>> > I hope this letter gets read by millions of people all across the
>> > nation!!
>> > Ever onward!!
>> >
>> >
>> >

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thought of the day

Ok, here's a question for you to think about.

If students at San Francisco State University can be charged with blasphemy(!) by the student council for "insulting" islam by protesting their special treatment at the school, and if the childish prank of leaving a copy of the koran with bacon on it on the steps of a mosque in Tennesee is being investigated as a hate crime, thereby making islam the only religion in the country which can't even have the suggestion of being "insulted", haven't we then made it the official "state" religion by protecting it above all others? Don't we have some law or something about that?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Georgia Gal

 Drinking with a Georgia Girl

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air,
pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, " In
Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same
one twice. "

  The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, " In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't
need to drink out of the same one twice either. "

  The Georgia girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in
one draft, throws the glass into the air, pulls out her gun, and shoots the
Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar,
and asking the bartender for a refill, she says, " In
America we have so
many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the
same ones twice.

  God bless America !

Friday, January 19, 2007

Check out my website and let me know what you think. Have a dollar to spare?

This is a must see. Check out this sight. It is from a friend of mine.
    This is my Brainstorm way of trying to buy a Harley.  Check out the site and let me know what you think.  I would appreciate your assistance in getting word out about this endeavor that I have undertaken.
Thanks for the info wave,