Thursday, June 07, 2007

Dog & Cat diaries


This is for everyone that has pets.

Dog & Cat Diaries

   
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

    8:00am: Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30am: A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40am: Walked in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30am: Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00pm: Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00pm: Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00pm: Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00pm: Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    7:00pm: Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00pm: Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

    11:00pm: Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
-------------------------------------------------------------

   
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

    Day 683 of my captivity:

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had
    hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates
    what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about
    what a "good little hunter" I am.

    The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I
    was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I
    could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was
    due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and
how to use
    it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors
    by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow --
    but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog
    receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated   cell, so he is safe....... for now...

 

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