Monday, November 28, 2005
Interesting Thought for the day:
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq
theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths,
that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The rate in Washington D.C. (among others) is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that
you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol,
which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington D.C.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Kinda naughty in sport but pretty funny. ???
>Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
>A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
>Q. What's a mixed feeling?
>A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
>Q. What's the height of conceit?
>A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
>Q. What's the definition of macho?
>A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
>Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
>A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
>Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
>A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
>Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
>A Because it's worth it.
>Q. What is a Yankee?
>A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
>A. They both like a tight seal.
>Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
>A. Their balls are just for decoration
>Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and
>A. About three inches.
>Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
>A. For traction in the mud.
>Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
>A. The grip.
>Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
>A. It's not hard.
>Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
>A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
>Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>A: 45 pounds.
>Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
>A: 45 minutes.
>Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>A: Breasts don't have eyes.
>Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
>A. The swallow.
>Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
>A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
>Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
>A. They don't have balls to scratch
Friday, November 18, 2005
Don't close your blinds . . . .
The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war...My husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend our Country again today. I knew that my husband would give him a good explanation. My husband thought for a few minutes and then told my son to go stand in our front living room window
He said "Son, stand there and tell me what you see?"
"I see trees and cars and our neighbor's houses." he replied.
"OK, now I want you to pretend that our house and our yard is the United States of America and you are President Bush."
Our son giggled and said "OK."
"Now son, I want you to look out the window and pretend that every house and yard on this block is a different country" my husband said.
"OK Dad, I'm pretending."
"Now I want you to stand there and look out the window and pretend you see Saddam coming out of his house with his wife, he has her by the hair and is hitting her. You see her bleeding and crying. He hits her in the face, he throws her on the ground, then he starts to kick her to death. Their children run out and are afraid to stop him, they are screaming and crying, they are watching this but do nothing because they are kids and they are afraid of their father. You see all of this, son....what do you do?"
"What do you do son?"
"I'd call the police, Dad."
"OK. Pretend that the police are the United Nations. They take your call. They listen to what you know and saw but they refuse to help. What do you do then son?"
"Dad.......... but the police are supposed to help!" My son starts to whine.
"They don't want to son, because they say that it is not their place or your place to get involved and that you should stay out of it," my husband says.
"But Dad...he killed her!!" my son exclaims.
"I know he did...but the police tell you to stay out of it. Now I want you to look out that window and pretend you see our neighbor who you're pretending is Saddam turn around and do the same thing to his children."
"Daddy...he kills them?"
"Yes son, he does. What do you do?"
"Well, if the police don't want to help, I will go and ask my next door neighbor to help me stop him." our son says.
"Son, our next door neighbor sees what is happening and refuses to get involved as well. He refuses to open the door and help you stop him," my husband says.
"But Dad, I NEED help!!! I can't stop him by myself!!"
"WHAT DO YOU DO SON?" Our son starts to cry.
"OK, no one wants to help you, the man across the street saw you ask for help and saw that no one would help you stop him. He stands taller and puffs out his chest. Guess what he does next son?"
"He walks across the street to the old ladies house and breaks down her door and drags her out, steals all her stuff and sets her house on fire and then..he kills her. He turns around and sees you standing in the window and laughs at you. WHAT DO YOU DO?"
"WHAT DO YOU DO?" Our son is crying and he looks down and he whispers, "I'd close the blinds, Daddy."
My husband looks at our son with tears in his eyes and asks him. "Why?"
"Because Daddy.....the police are supposed to help people who needs them...and they won't help... You always say that neighbors are supposed to HELP neighbors, but they won't help either...they won't help me stop him...I'm afraid....I can't do it by myself Daddy.....I can't look out my window and just watch him do all these terrible things and...and.....do nothing...so....I'm just going to close the blinds.... so I can't see what he's doing........and I'm going to pretend that it is not happening."
I start to cry My husband looks at our nine year old son standing in the window, looking pitiful and ashamed at his answers to my husband's questions and he says...
"Open the blinds because that man.... he's at your front door... "WHAT DO YOU DO?"
My son looks at his father, anger and defiance in his eyes. He balls up his tiny fists and looks his father square in the eyes, without hesitation he says: "I DEFEND MY FAMILY DAD!! I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HURT MOMMY OR MY SISTER, DAD!!! I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM, DAD, I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM!!!!!"
I see a tear roll down my husband's cheek and he grabs our son to his chest and hugs him tight, and says... "It's too late to fight him, he's too strong and he's already at YOUR front door son.....you should have stopped him BEFORE he killed his wife, and his children and the old lady across the way. You have to do what's right, even if you have to do it alone, before its too late." my husband whispers. THAT scenario I just gave you is WHY we are at war with Iraq. When good men stand by and let evil happen son, THAT is the greatest atrocities in the world won't affect him. "YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT! EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!" BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN! BE PROUD OF OUR TROOPS!! SUPPORT THEM!!! SUPPORT AMERICA SO THAT IN THE FUTURE OUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER HAVE TO CLOSE THEIR BLINDS..."
This should be printed in every newspaper and posted in every school in America. Of course that won't happen so we'll use the Internet. If your blinds are closed do nothing with this email. If they are open I do not need to tell you what to do.
GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!! Steven R Chandler, CMSgt 332 ELRS/Vehicle Management Flight Balad Air Base, Iraq
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
And for those of us who thought only our prisons were filled with the idiots . Once an American Shyster or maybe Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton gets a hold of this, God may be the only one to be able to help us.
Romanian prisoner sues God
ATHENS, October 18 (RIA Novosti) - A prisoner in a Romanian jail is suing God, Greek state television reported from Bucharest Tuesday.
"God received different material valuables from me, as well as prayers in exchange for promises of a better life. In reality, this did not happen - I found myself in the devil's hands," the plaintiff said.
The convict is serving 20 years in the west Romanian city of Timisoara. He apparently blames God for the troubles in his life and wants God brought to account for failing to fulfill the commitments He undertook and for taking bribes.
The plaintiff said that when he had been baptized in childhood, he concluded a contract with God that had legal effect - God was supposed to protect him from evil.
The plaintiff said the Romanian Orthodox Church, which, according to him, directly represents God, should compensate him for the alleged God-inflicted damage.
In line with the law, the lawsuit was submitted to court. However, as the defendant is neither an individual nor a company, and is not subject to a civil court of law's jurisdiction, the case is unlikely to be heard regardless of how justified the plaintiff's demands may be, court officials said.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
The day to salute our members of the United States Armed Forces
Both Past and Present.
A day to remember those who have given a part of themselves
to the country that they love.
To the Freedoms we so enjoy.
I am a veteran too.
I served my country for over 2 decades.
Many of my friends served with me.
Mark from Chesapeake,
Steve and Eric in Charleston,
AJ and Bret who are still serving,
Ed and Tim in Virginia Beach,
Candy, my sister
John, my father
My Grandfather, Van
and so many others
it would take pages to list them all.
We all proudly wore the uniform.
We did what we had to do.
To keep this country and her people free.
Many have died doing what we did and
today they are looking down on us and smiling.
Proud to have given what was most precious,
their lives, for they are the real heroes.
From the sands of Iwo Jime, the shores of Anzio,
Kuwait, Iraq, France, Germany, Grenada, Pearl Harbor
to New York, Washington
Our soldiers and sailors carry the flag.
Today we stand a little taller, a little prouder!
Because today is OUR Day!
If you see a veteran today,
shake his or her hand
and tell them thank you.
To all the Vet's that see this,
MY THANK YOU!
For I salute you and the service
you so proudly provided!
I am proud to have served with you!
being humble is better than bragging
music, art, and literature are the best ways to express your feelings
governments do mean things to people
men act like they care when they don't
the only person who will help you is yourself
people that look strange generally are pretty normal
people who have money generally aren't smart
men are scared of hugging when something bad happens
weird, unexplainable stuff happens to people all the time
people make up a lot of stuff that isn't true
a special place in hell is reserved for fundamentalists
the devil is actually not a real person
animals have intelligence
a lot of people die who take good care of themselves
a lot of people live who take bad care of themselves
drinking alcohol makes you feel good, but not always
being paranoid does not mean that you are delusional
saying you're going to do something, or writing it down dosn't help you achieve it
you can't help people who are depressed, they can only help themselves
belief in a supernatural force has more to do with ones own experiences rather than anything
written in any book
everyone has "weird" dreams
a lot of people do stuff they don't want to
a lot of your beliefs are made up rationalisations you have created in order to continue on with your life in a way that is easier for you
people can love each other without speaking
women do tend to actually like flowers
a lot of people want to leave where they are living
music that is more aggressive is more true
most people don't agree with each other
if you are weak, you will be made fun of
most nerds don't end up being bill gates
breaking stuff feels good
fixing stuff feels good
work is not a necessary part of your personal psychology
the world is cruel, and dosn't care if you die
Nature has no regard if you are good or bad, rich or poor, young or old, she'll kill you anyway
watching tv makes you forget what time it is
being nice to animals is a good thing
the world is run by a handful of elites that do not have your best interests anywhere near their frame of thought
people who believe in religions generally aren't that bad
I don't know what the fuck I m talking about
you don't know what the fuck you re talking about
your dialogues in your head were placed there by forces outside of your control
people who think too much generally don't have as much fun
people who have too much fun generally don't think enough
a lot of people are lonely even though they are always around people
art is a silent connection that can transcend speech and language
everyone wants to fuck each other, even if they are in a relationship
a lot of people have weird fetishes they never talk about in public
men don't care about emotional connections as much as women
men tend to overblow situations because of their own insecurities
cavemen didn't ride or kill dinosaurs
a lot of information is being withheld from the public
aliens probably do exist, but are "really" far away
space is cold
objects that represent someone's pursuit for truth are generally pretty cool
not everything on tv is a lie, that's the scary part
people generally don't like a lot of things about themselves
people who work harder than you generally achieve the things that you want to
professional wrestling isn't totally fake, it's just really gay because its like a male ballet performance
children have a better ability to feel than most adults
a lot of famous people will be nobodies soon
I tend to agree more with people who have used drugs
people who eat meat have generally never killed an animal or seen it slaughtered
people who eat only vegetables are generally kind of annoying
people who are overachievers generally don't know what they are trying to achieve
fast cars are more fun to drive than slow cars
people romanticize their childhoods
people romanticize their futures
everyone thinks moving somewhere will solve their problems
It is hard to generalize an entire country into any stereotype
A lot of people think the world is coming to an end soon
President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little piss-ants. "If the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now", said Bush.
Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one marine to volunteer to help the ungrateful French out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few women marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.
President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. The less they stand out the better.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC. I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, veterans of "the greatest war," with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.
On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor:
"Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked. "
One elderly woman read the words aloud:
"With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph. "
But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry "Wait a minute," she said, "they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with "so help us God.'"
Her husband said, "You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now."
"I know I'm right," she insisted. "I remember the speech" The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.
Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, "Well, it has been over 50 years. She's probably forgotten."
But she had not forgotten. She was right.
I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt's speech to the nation ends in "so help us God."
The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war. But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt's words are engraved on their hearts.
Now I ask: "WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY?"
Send this around to your friends. People need to know before everyone forgets. People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, since the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be!
If you agree, pass this on. If not, MAY GOD BLESS YOU
From: Candy Universe
Note to self: Carefully read domain names for alternative meanings before buying, so I don't end up doing what these folks did:
Who Represents? - http://www.whorepresents.com/
Experts Exchange - http://www.expertsexchange.com/
Pen Island - http://www.penisland.net/
Therapist Finder - http://www.therapistfinder.com/
Mole Station Nursery - http://www.molestationnursery.com/
Power-Gen Italia - http://www.powergenitalia.com/