You know it's hot when.....

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.

The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."

Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.

Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.

A scalding hot shower still cools you down.

You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.

People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.

A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.

The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves.

You need a spatula to remove your clothing.

You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.

You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell.

You burn your hand opening the car door.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

You are sitting inside reading these jokes.

Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.