Input from the Candy Universe on Santa

The Candy Universe is obviously in a her BAH HUMBUG mood this week in addition to a severe male bashing kick. Obviously her bosses have done something to spin her planet.....

 

From: Candy Universe

 

I THINK SANTA CLAUS IS A WOMAN

    I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
     For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they -- with amazing calm -- call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
     Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
     Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
      Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men...

• Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

• Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

• Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.  But not St. Nick. Not a chance.  As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

  I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

 

Now I must respond... 10 reasons why this is just wrong.. 

 

 

First.. Starting from the top... I start my Christmas shopping in October......hell with 5 kids 3 grandkids and wife I have too.

 

Second.. I can get from here to there without directions. Plus how hard is it to hit every house in the world?

 

Third.. The raindeers are safe... They are older and meats tough..

 

Fourth...Some of us can pack a bag.. Every tried to get all the uniforms that the military gives you in one sea bag?

 

Fithe..  Santa's was wearing red velvet long before masculinity was a problem. He made it a fashion statement....

 

Sixth ....Santa doesn't have to answer the mail....

 

Seventh...Santa's old enough not to have to worry about that bowl full of jelly....plus he's married, it's not like he is out hitting thte bars to pick up something.

 

Eighth ... Santa's ho ho ho atracts women......Look at all the women around him in the malls.....

 

Ninth....Most men are committed to something.. Hunting, fishing, sports, cars... it veriys fby season.. Santa has only 1 thing to worry about....

 

Tenth... If Santa was a woman  the suit wouldn't fit.......

 

Happy Holidays!!