jokes to offend everyone

               JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE


               Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special
Olympics?
               A: Not being retarded
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               Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
               A: Hypothermia
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               Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out
of the battered wives' shelter?
               A: The dishes, if she knows what's fucking good for her
               ***************
               Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time


               A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
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               Q: What is the definition of making love'?
               A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
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               Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in
common?
               A: They don't fucking listen.
               ***************
               Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
               A: Gonorrhea
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               Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
               A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.
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               Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
               A. She rolls her own tampons.
               *****************
               Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
               A. Better traction in the mud.
               *****************
               Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
               A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
               *****************
               Q. What's the difference between acne and Michael
Jackson?
               A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's
at least 13 years old.
               *****************
               Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
               A. Marry it.
               *****************
               Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a
hooker?
               A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
               *****************
               Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
               A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're
driving.
               *****************
               Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
               A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at
thirty miles an hour.
               *****************
               Q. Why do women call it PMS?
               A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
               *****************
               Q. What's a mixed feeling?
               A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff
in your new car.
               *****************
               Q. What's the height of conceit?
               A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
               *****************
               Q. What's the definition of macho?
               A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
               *****************
               Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor
party?
               A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
               *****************
               Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
               A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole
week.
               *****************
               Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
               A. You push it to the side before you start eating.
               *****************
               Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
               A. You know she'll swallow.
               *****************
               Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex
education on the same day in Iraq?
               A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
               *****************
               Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a
Jewish wife?
               A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
               ******************
               Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf
ball?
               A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
               ******************
               Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch
know when it is bedtime?
               A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
               ******************
               Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and
clean the house?
               A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not
time.
               ******************
               Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
               A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that
kick.
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               Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
               A. Because it's worth it
               __________________