Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
I am having an out of money experience.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct-tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same day.
Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out grouped together and don't have a chance of reaching their potential until they're stomped on over and over by some women. Then they need to be alone and in a dark, depressing state for years on end until they can finally be appreciated.
Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a day, set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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