George Carlins solution

sounds good to me..........so simple, yet could be very effective......

 

George Carlins solution

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline 
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use.....  

 

 The  best way to stop using so much   gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! 
That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come    down.....  

Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border,   hand him a canteen,  rifle 
and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . 
 
Tell   him if he wants to come to America then he must  serve a tour in the military.....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on   it..... 

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen  since he defended this   country...... 

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot......

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for   the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves......
 
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway,   without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....

Problem solved..... 

If you think this is a good solution to both the  problems, forward it to your friends. ........... 

Clittorial Combat Country

Top Ten Comebacks for Well-Meaning but Obnoxious Relatives

We're all cringing about the combination of food and older relatives who feel somehow invested in your size (be it a size 4 or a size 24) while you're just trying to get your groove going with the giblet gravy. Here's a top ten list of responses in case someone dares to prod you about your weight.

1. Oooh, do you really think you need another biscuit? "I don't need it. I WANT it."
2. Do you know how many calories that has? "Yes, and I'm looking forward to every one of them."
3. I'm having a fat day. "Me too, isn't it awesome?"
4. You have such a pretty face. "You should see my pretty ass!"
5. You're too fat! "For what?"
6. You look like you've lost weight. "I've actually gained 150 pounds, but I wear it really well."
7. You've gained weight since (whenever)? "Yes! Jealous?"
8. When are you going to lose some weight? "Why do you need to know?"
9. Response to someone talking about you behind your back: "I'm sorry, you might want to keep it down. I wouldn't want anyone else to hear what an asshole you are!"
10. And the all-purpose response for every rude question ever: "I beg your pardon?" (If they are dense and repeat the question, repeat yours. If they simply say it louder, ignore them for they will die clueless and unhappy and you will go on being awesome.)