MEN have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips.

 

The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile...

 

If u have sex 365 times a year and you melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would u call it? a fuckin goodyear!

 

Sex is like playing spades. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

 

Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood "lift ur top so I can suck your tits". No, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says!

 

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy!

 

Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard. 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello, and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.  Please select from the following menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we will trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.  Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by sending this to at least one unstable person to show you care.

 

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WHY CHANGE ISN'T ALWAYS SO HOT

"Remember the election in 2006?Thought you might like to read the following. A little over one year ago

1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

"Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:

1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

"America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!"

- Author unknown