Smart Parrot!

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"



The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."


"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"


"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."


"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"


"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."


"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"


"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."


The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."


"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"


The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.


Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.


One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."



"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.



"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."



"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"



"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.



"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"



"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."



Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"



"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day.

 

Stinko de Mayo

To the 20 million illegal aliens squattting tax-free in America, a 'Stinko de Mayo' greeting:

The American public is FED UP with the invasion of our sovereign nation by third-world outlaws from Mexico.

We are FED UP with the refusal of the federal government to secure our borders, opting instead to provide big business with slave labor in the form of illegals from Mexico. This irresponsible policy leaves our nation vulnerable to terrorism, and we are FED UP with this endangerment of American lives for cheap fruit.

We are FED UP with people who are here illegally and who can not and/or will not speak English.

We are FED UP with illegals from Mexico who cost American taxpayers scores of billions of dollars every year in health care, education, incarceration, and welfare.

We are FED UP with taxpayer dollars being wasted to print documents in a foreign language (Spanish).

We are FED UP with illegals who dump their medical bills on the backs of US taxpayers and who still send $20-40 billion a year back to Mexico each year.

We are FED UP with our schools being invaded by non-English speaking children from Mexico who impede the learning process of students who genuinely belong here.

We are FED UP with the fact that federal, state and local penal systems are overrun by illegals from Mexico, again costing US taxpayers billions each year.

We are FED UP with the fact that the overwhelming majority of felony crimes being investigated in Los Angeles have been committed by illegals from Mexico.

We are FED UP with federal, state and local agencies who refuse to round up and deport millions of illegals who are destroying American culture and language.

We are FED UP with politicians, Hispanic and non-Hispanic, who coddle illegals with drivers licenses, lower college tuitons and similar benefits which only encourage more people to invade the US from Mexico.

We are FED UP with the attempted Mexicanization of America. Mexico is a third- world slum and we are FED UP with those who want America to be like Mexico!

Politicians--Democrat and Republican alike---who fail to heed the anger of the people concerning this issue will soon find themselves "former elected" officials.

Happy Stinko de Mayo---now get the hell out!

Stolen from http://www.barking-moonbat.com/
 

 

A Different Perspective on the Immigration Reform.

This was sent to me by some friends in Virginia. We here on the Gulf Coast haven't experienced this problems the major cities have been where this is concerned but we still have a large number of hispanic immigrants in this area. Illegals? Don't know but I would bet on at least 40% of of them are. This has not been edited. Although I might want to add, instead of white Americans, it should read True Americans!

 

This is from a  Hispanic who lives in Texas.  He's had a column in the  Fort  Worth Star Telegram  and as you can see, expresses himself very  well.

 

ASLEEP  AT THE WHEEL

 

I can almost assure you that everyone who is a true American was sickened when you saw multitudes of protesters carrying Mexican flags protesting the new Immigration Reform Bill in the Senate. This display of Mexican flags should give you a heads up on where these protesters allegiance lies.  Their hearts are in Mexico and their bellies are in the United  States.

 

As an American of Mexican Heritage I want to set the record straight.  American Hispanics are not all thrilled with illegal  immigration.  I, for more than 20 years, tried desperately to bring this national debacle to the attention of the American  people.  I had the privilege of writing for several newspapers,  appeared on national and local TV and radio programs, and was asked by many political groups to address this serious problem affecting my former community (north  Fort  Worth),  city, state, and our country.  Many will question how I can speak on this subject with some authority.  My simple answer is: I lived with the problem!  Trust me, it was no picnic.   Never in my life (I'm 68) had I witnessed the lawlessness, the  deterioration of my community, and the black market criminal underground activities attributed to the influx of illegal  immigrants.

 

To add injury to insult,  politicians soon caved in to the many demands of illegal immigrants.  Notably: bilingual education, bilingual ballots, welfare aid, free medical care, etc. Through all this national disgrace allowed by our  politicians, have you all noticed that no one ever blames the useless,  corrupt, and disgraceful government of  Mexico? In contrast, they lambaste and criticize our country.  How  does that grab you?

 

When I addressed the  dangers of our porous border between Mexico and the United  States, and the lax security of our nation, no one paid attention. As I observed the situation, the problem was perceived to be between American Hispanic communities and illegal immigrants. White Americans, it seemed, assumed that the problem was not theirs to deal with.   In other words they were asleep at the wheel.  However, 9-11 soon woke them up. Lets be honest with each other here, white Americans vote in far larger numbers than Hispanics do. And most politicians (Democrats and Republicans) in our city, state, and federal governments are white.  Thus, who is more suited to fix this national disaster?  I'm sure most of you know what the  answer is.

 

In summation, I'm pleading with white American voters to join me in sending our politicians (Democrats and Republicans) a strong message that we will not tolerate illegal immigrants telling us how to make government policy that will make it easier for them to break our laws.  Hope you will join me in this endeavor in our upcoming elections.

 

James H. Reza
Lake Worth, Texas  

 

Please  pass this on...it just might get to the other Veterans and VFW,  American Legions and to those that truly believe that we will not give our country away !